OPINION - FEAR: The Cause of my Transformation

Awe. As my cluttered brain attempted to register everything that I was seeing in front of me, all I could comprehend was sheer awe. The ethereal castle encompassed by scarlet roses and centuries-old architecture took my breath away. My mouth dropped while I gazed at Cambridge University in all its glory.

Then, the few minutes prior to the second annual Triple Helix Conference slowly transformed into a living nightmare. My feet, my head, my arms, and my heart all became completely numb. An endless vortex of butterflies taunted the acidic walls of my stomach. Meteoric suffocation accompanied by the explosive thud thud of my feeble heart overwhelmed my shaken frame. For the first time in my life, my confidence was as diminutive and frail as an insect.

Although I had been anticipating this conference for over a month, terror continued to cloud my judgement. Knowing that I would have to present my scientific ideas and analysis to actualCambridge professors and attendees in addition to 50 high school students from the United Kingdom was a hard idea to wrap my head around.

As the beginning of the conference approached, seeing the several other individuals pouring into the compact hall only heightened my anxiety. What was I going to say? Are they going to judge me? Fortunately, I soon found out that first, professional speakers were to deliver their own speeches regarding socially impacting scientific issues.

The chance to slightly procrastinate my imminent humiliation allowed a refreshing wave of serenity to briefly cleanse me of any unease. The clarity and emotion with which the three speakers had talked that day amazed, and, more importantly, inspired me. After seeing their poise and confidence, I was completely driven to talk to multitudes of people in a professional way.

Although I would still have to present to Cambridge professors, at least now I would not have to face several unfamiliar and judging faces scrutinizing my every move. Each time a new batch of fellow high schoolers had arrived at my poster, my confidence renewed itself, almost as if I were talking about homework with a friend from back home.

Through this constant interaction with several students from the UK, I was able to simultaneously have discussions with them regarding their differing lifestyle, pop culture, and even slang. This conference truly allowed me to expand beyond my rigid comfort levels and develop global relationships that I had never even imagined of.

When the Cambridge students and professors had asked me about my presentation, fear once again governed my emotions. Words forced themselves out of my trembling lips at an excessively fast pace, and before I knew it, my 10 minute presentation had finished within two. As the first two left one by one with a painfully neutral expression, my disappointment exponentially increased. Why am I ruining my own chance of being recognized?

However, seeing Ms. Chetty’s reassuring face, I was yet again reminded of the trust she had in me, and that motivated me to get back on track. The next time a Cambridge student had approached me, a sense of comfort and approachability replaced the previously overwhelming stress.

Once I calmed myself down again, I realized that my perception of Cambridge professors and students was completely skewed. Not a single time did they make me feel inadequate or inferior, contrary to what I had expected. In fact, they were constantly encouraging me. All this time I spent on allowing fear to command me was absolutely useless. In the end, everything turned out better than I could have hoped, and I was able to win a prize for the best poster at the conference.

Even though the conference was far from what I had imagined, the impact that it made on me was indelible. I created relationships and stretched beyond my comfort zone. In fact, the confidence I developed from that conference is something that I know will forever be etched into my persona.