IndiaParentMagazine

AND A CHILD WAS BORN

ALKA PANDE meets Kamal Raj Singh, a woman who donated her eggs in the hope of lighting up someone else’s life.

This story was run in this magazine in the year 1999. It’s a dozen years old. We are rerunning this story to bring hope and love into the hearts of all our young readers out there!

She has always been different, small wonder that when she donated her eggs for in-vitro fertilization recently, the counselor commented, “I’m very surprised your husband is with you. Some American women have donated eggs discreetly but you are the first Indian woman to donate eggs with your husband’s consent!” Besides, donating one’s eggs required a great deal of mental and physical strength. But then, Kamal Raj Singh is an exceptional person.

Born to S.P. Dhawan, a superintendent engineer with the Punjab State Electricity Department, and the eldest of three children, Kamal, a gold medallist from Punjab University in child development and family relations (1991). She worked with the Indian Red Cross, Patiala, as a marriage and family counselor while simultaneously serving as a social worker at a special school for children suffering from brain disorders.

But age wasn’t on her side –– people didn’t respond positively to having a young and vibrant woman as a counselor. So, Kamal switched to teaching and was responsible for setting up the department of child development at the Guru Nanak Girls’ College at Yamunanagar.

“Even as a child I wanted to be different, do things which no one has done before,” she states. Well, Kamal did go on to be selected in the first batch of women pilots, a line she left to pursue academics. Kamal’s marriage to Karminder R. Singh, an architect, was traditionally arranged in September 1993. And, as he was based in California, she moved country.

Even so, she kept up with her social activities –– doing voluntary work with social organizations. “I’ve always wanted to do social work, particularly for children who need special attention. It’s something I’ve been attracted to ever since I was 15 and attended a twomonth summer camp at Mother Teresa’s home.” Today, she works as a teacher in a Montessori Academy and has an 18- month-old daughter, Darpan.

The saga of egg donation began in early ‘96, when Karminder chanced upon an ad requiring ‘egg donors, especially from Asians of Indian origin’. He passed it on to Kamal, who started thinking about it seriously.“As a student, I’d always wanted to adopt a child and my husband, surprisingly, had similar views. We decided I could be a potential donor. In fact, it was my husband who encouraged me to follow up on the ad.”

In response to the ad, Kamal got a long and tedious application form, which lay around the house for almost two weeks before she filled it up. She got a prompt reply, after which followed a series of irksome events. Apparently, she was to be subjected to a long psychology exam, which was “supposed” to last only one hour but, in fact, went on for three!” During this exam, Kamal had to answer several questions, go through an interview with her husband at the San Francisco Center for Reproductive Medicine. All this before the process of in-vitro fertilization even began.

Kamal was warned that she was doing everything at her own risk, and that the doctors would be responsible for only what happened on the operating table. She was also assured that a subsequent pregnancy could well be quite safe and successful and that there was just a one per cent chance of infertility. Fully aware of what the implications of being a donor were, both Karminder and Kamal presented themselves at the clinic. Kamal was told she would be in pain for a year. She was also told that the recipient would be undergoing a similar procedure. Neither were covered by insurance, nor were they any guarantees of impregnantation (the recipient’s body could accept or reject the donor’s egg). Then, she was instructed to take oral pills for one month.

Undaunted, Kamal followed all the procedures diligently. “I visited the hospital regularly, as the doctors kept regular tabs on whether I was producing the requisite number of eggs or not. My ovaries were swollen and I exhibited all the symptoms of pregnancy.

There were many legal formalities to be dealt with as well. For example, I had no right to any kind of inheritance or to the consequent baby. For my efforts and pain, I was to be given $2,500,” (which she later donated to the Marine organization). Finally, on May 25, before daughter Darpan’s first birthday (which fell on the 31st), the retrieval process was performed.

Of which Kamal says, “The recipient got pregnant –– that’s all I know.” Isn’t she at all curious about what happened tot the subsequent baby or the recipient? “I do know that she is an Indian woman, who’d tried the process earlier and suffered miscarriages. By now, she must have had the baby as well. I’m not interested in knowing who she is or how the baby is –– I’d prepared myself for this donation. After all, since I do produce so many eggs which go waste, why not let them bring sunshine into someone else’s life? I can have as many babies as I want, but others might not have had even one. The card I got after the retrieval process was enough for me. It said: ‘People like you make the world a happier place.”

Today, Kamal has gained 9.08 kg., which she still hasn’t been able to shed. “And I still have mood swings. But the bad stomach aches and nausea, which I used to get during my periods, have gone.” Even today, in the US, there are lot of ads for egg donors, and many cases pending in courts. Which is why Kamal wanted to share her story. “There are a lot of couples who still have an attitude about adoption. So, why can’t we, who have plenty of eggs, bring joy, happiness and sunshine into their lives? After all, these are things even money can’t buy!”